by Meghan Fitzgerald
Even though polls have closed, this election, and the anxiety it produces, continues. And, it feels like our feeds, our conversations and even our quiet moments are consumed by this vote. No matter your beliefs, the strain of this uncertainty provides a consistent dose of stress. In fact, there’s even a therapist-coined term for an extreme version of the experience—election stress disorder.
As with the pandemic, it’s essentially impossible to insulate our kids from the impact of this election. This means we don’t have to, and probably shouldn’t, shy away from discussing it with them. In fact, we know that talking with kids about elections can increase their engagement in the political process later on. Deborah Rivas-Drake, a Professor of Psychology & Education at the University of Michigan who studies civic engagement explains this phenomenon quite well: “You’re planting seeds that will bear fruit later in terms of their understanding of themselves as civic and political actors who have agency.”
So, how can we frame the election for kids in a way that helps them engage but also keeps them feeling safe and calm in the midst of it? No matter your political beliefs, here are five ways to approach the election that are supportive of young kids, and that will likely feel supportive of you, too.
At the end of the day, it’s an enormous privilege and an essential right that we get to vote for our elected officials—and this gives us a simple, powerful and positive focus when engaging kids around the election conversation. Be proud of yourself and/or the others who voted and share your excitement about the right to vote with your kids.
In the lead up to an election, we can help signal to kids just how special voting is by making election day feel like a celebration. In Australia, for example, voting day is a holiday featuring special treats like “democracy sausage.” In our family, we ate “pepperoni polling pizza” on election night. Whatever fun you choose to add, a little celebration can help reinforce the importance of our democracy in terms kids can understand.
Now that election day is over, it may not feel like a time to celebrate. Rather, it may be time to put our oars in the boat and let the river take us. Waiting is hard at any age. How will we help balance the waiting? We'll head outside and give ourselves a break from it all. Take a walk. Go for a run. Rake a pile of leaves and let yourself fall into it. If you have time to bring kids, focus on them and play a bit. It's like balm for the spirit!
Election coverage and commentary will stay at fever pitch now that the race is so close. Turn on your phone, check your feed, drive or walk around your neighborhood, and signs of the election are literally everywhere. Social media algorithms are working in overdrive to keep serving us the election drama that keeps us engaged. So, it’s important to remember that kids watch us as we process these messages, and they see our reactions.
Often we get drawn in (mom’s distracted...queue the misbehavior!) or we tense up, look puzzled or worried. Kids sense this—we are their source of comfort, and they are wired to notice and respond to changes in our affect. To help kids, and to help yourself, try picking a few, distinct times each day to “plug in” and take in election updates. If you can, find a quiet time and space to do it, out of the watchful eye of young children. This will give you the chance to have your immediate response and process the information without raising any alarm bells for your kiddos.
We all have to balance off whatever stress this election brings our way, and there are different ways to help kids (and ourselves) cultivate a sense of calm. Spending time outdoors is naturally stress relieving, and you need only 2 hours per week to start feeling the benefits.
Mindful moving and breathing exercises also help kids feel calmer in the moment and offer simple strategies they can use whenever they need to navigate stressful situations. For example, try moving and breathing like lions to relieve tension and channel inner strength in you and your kids! Or, read more ways to help kids learn to find calm in whatever storm they're in.
No matter your politics, you’ve likely experienced disappointment at the polls in your voting lifetime. Even if you haven’t, you can probably imagine how much it hurts. And though these feelings can feel overpowering, as adults with fully formed brains, in time, we’re generally able to rationalize and talk ourselves through ways it’s going to be okay. For our kids, this isn’t the case.
Young kids are still learning about disappointment, and they generally believe deeply that we, their treasured grownups, know how to keep them safe and make their world okay. So, it can feel really unsettling to them when we get disappointed. That’s why it’s important, no matter how confident you are about your chosen candidate, to start to introduce the idea to kids that your candidate may lose. At the same time, try to help kids understand that even if your candidate is not successful, our democracy, and our world, will go on.
George Washington famously warned about a partisan system, believing that it would inevitably lead to division that would harm our nation. The words and ideas floating around in 2020 are divisive in ways even he likely could not have imagined.
In our current context, it’s easy to fall into the trap of using “Them vs. Us” rhetoric. No matter how vigilant we are about our own language, we can all find ourselves being triggered to speak in sweeping terms about whole groups of people who do not share the same perspective—especially about issues we really care about. Even if you don’t speak this way, kids can pick up on this language from other people in your family or community, or from the media.
Listen for moments in which people speak poorly about a whole party or group of people based on a belief they have. You can flip this script by explaining to kids that, even though you don’t agree with this group’s beliefs, you also don’t support the negative way they’re being talked about. You can also explain that you know most people are good people, but you just don’t agree with this particular group on this particular issue.
To go a step further, you could also express that you have trouble understanding a certain viewpoint but are curious about why some people feel so differently than you do. Modeling this kind of faith in humans and a willingness to stay curious can teach kids to approach people who are different from them with the same openness and respect.
Perhaps one of the most important things that we can do right now, as parents, is to help our kids foster a practice of listening to one another, asking questions, and taking the time to understand other peoples’ differing opinions.
In the middle of it all, try to maintain rituals that help kids feel connected to the people in your community and hopeful about the future. Meeting outdoors is not only a safe way to connect with others, it also puts everyone in a space that we all share, no matter our political views—our natural world.
Though we can't control national and global events, we can help our kids (and ourselves) focus on the things that give us strong roots—Things like kindness, gratitude and physical health. And that is exactly the reason we developed a season of classes entirely focused on Wellness. The season kicks off next week (Nov 9-16). Learn more about the classes here, and know we'd be honored to have you and your kids join us and deepen our sense of Wellness together.
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