It’s so easy to overdo it—to say, give or offer way too much to kids. After all, parents love our kids with our whole hearts. Our adult brains also seek novelty, are optimized to multi-task, and lose interest in whatever is happening once we “get” it—and that also makes it all too easy for us to over-program. And, when you think about how our digital lives offer non-stop reminders of what other parents have found time to pull off, there's even more pressure to over deliver. I know teachers suffer this, too, looking at one another’s plans or photos only to wonder, “Should I add more bells and whistles to my lessons?”
And yet, kids actually thrive on less, not more. Here are some simple ways to remind our grown up selves of this and even use it to our kids' and our advantages.
Remember that kids get this rather well.
Kids are not won over with bells and whistles, at least not for long. They are pretty darn good at sussing out the magic in what we say and do. They are drawn in by our ability to project wonder and create a special world that is theirs and ours together. Kids are also geared toward driving their own learning, so they are served best when we help them get curious, then back off and give them space to explore, experiment and play. Kids really don’t need a lot of stuff to do any of that.
If we really want to enable our kids, we can take out the clutter. If we want our kids to grow up to be focused, creative thinkers who are self-directed, persistent, resilient and joyful, we have to realize that less is not only more; it’s everything. The Science screams it, and now, more than ever, kids need our help in limiting distractions in the service of learning.
Recognize that our world can overwhelm kids.
Too much stimulation—whether from things or attention—is hard for all of us, but especially for kids. For some kids, overstimulation can easily become so overwhelming that it leads them to express a range of challenging behaviors.
The world in which our kids are growing up bombards them with stimulation. From screens to possessions to the focus of adults, the amount of inputs our kids receive now far outpaces any time in history. Today, the U.S. represents 3.1% of the world's children, but 40% of the toy market, and on average, we consume twice as many goods as we did fifty years ago. At the same time, kids’ free play time has been decreasing continuously since 1955.
See simplicity as the key.
We know better, though. Research shows that kids’ play gets longer, more creative and more joyful when there are fewer toys in their play space. When adults interrupt play, the time and quality diminishes, but when adults support kids in a responsive way, play enhances. It's clear that kids learn to focus best when they have fewer choices and have agency to direct their own attention and shift focus in and out of activities. And, we know that the chance to repeat the very same play task supports the developing brain.
“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” —Leonardo DaVinci
I am not nailing this either (you should have seen how many activities I've crammed into my kids' birthday parties). But, I have seen the benefit when I do remember, and I'm urging us all to commit to making it cool to do less.
Here’s a short list of ways I've found success. I hope you’ll join me!
Streamline play environments.
If kids play more creatively and joyfully when there are fewer toys around, we can reduce our toy collections, or we can put some of them away to limit how many are available within kids' space. If we don’t have a lot of toys, start to see that as a strength.
Opt for open-ended toys.
If we only stock play spaces with a few toys, let’s choose toys that our kids can play with in limitless ways. We love WIRED Magazine’s list of the five best toys of all time (sticks and dirt top the list!). Try to leave the bespoke, one-use toys behind and pick toys that can be used to build things or imagine things.
“Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity! I say, let your affairs be as two or three, and not a hundred or a thousand; instead of a million count half a dozen, and keep your accounts on your thumbnail….We are happy in proportion to the things we can do without.” —Henry David Thoreau
Get kids outdoors when you can.
Needless to say, I'm a huge fan of heading outdoors where there is an ever-changing set of objects kids can make and pretend with. Plus, for many reasons, it’s the ideal play and learning space. When you can’t, bring the outdoors in. Read more about how here.
Embrace repetition.
Adults bore easily, but young children's developing minds thrive on repetition—it literally drives brain development. And yet, so many times we devalue a play opportunity for being “something they’ve done before” (This makes me crazy, to be truthful). When kids get the chance to revisit and repeat play scenarios, they strengthen the neural connections involved with those activities. And, if you watch closely, you can also notice that, when kids get the chance to try things repeatedly, they can also iterate. Once a task is familiar, they have the capacity to make small adjustments that drive discovery and, you guessed it, creativity!
Don’t fear downtime.
Lulls tend to scare grownups, but we can actually embrace them! Whatever it is about our kids being idle that repels us, let’s lean into it. What are we really afraid of? If our kids pause in play, let’s not assume they are under-stimulated. Let’s not rush to provide the next shiny object to attract their focus. Our kids truly can make magic of a little time and whatever they have around them. Plus, the chance to find the next object of focus for themselves will teach our kids just that—how to focus.
Trade words for quiet action.
When our kids are playing, let’s notice if and when we feel the impulse to talk to them. We may be bursting with an idea, a solution to a challenge they’re facing, or a way to make their play even more exciting. Interrupt, though, and we could very likely break their flow. So, in these moments, let’s wait and wonder, “Are they looking at me? Are they actively seeking to engage with me through conversation? Or, are they busy at work playing? If the latter, we can set down nearby and start to play alongside them, without saying a word. Our silent actions will speak volumes!
